I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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