So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
