JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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