and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
