ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
