I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
