And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
