I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You may now shotgun with the bride
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
