walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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