i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
