In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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