mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
