I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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