I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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