I met the friendliest cop last night
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
