JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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