I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
