pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
