By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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