sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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