if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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