The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
