Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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