I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
