Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
