I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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