No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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