toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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