who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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