She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
