just come out here and I will go home with you...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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