I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Jerry, you need to find god
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
