he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
