Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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