I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
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