you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
