help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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