new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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