he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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