Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
