His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
the night ended with taco bell and tears
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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