I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
