And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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