when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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