I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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