Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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