I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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