come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?