am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
