im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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