Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
