were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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