Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
how does that bad decision feel?
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