I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
