you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
