he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
