do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
