Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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