i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
