Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
