Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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