I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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