I met the friendliest cop last night
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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