He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
