Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
