A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
