just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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