The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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